Are You in the Race?
Growing up was about competition and achievement. From grade school science projects, 4H speech competitions, high school grades and honor society, undergraduate decisions, and grad school research. Always the same focus. What have you done? What are your accomplishments? How’s your resume looking? Is it enough? No? Then strive, pursue, and push yourself more. So much to know, learn, and do. All this in service to the fear-provoking question: Am I Enough?
The first half of life is the pursuit of growth, independence, and achievement. I move to larger and more important circles, always on the hunt for “enough.” What does “enough” look like? I had no idea. It was slippery like the toads and snakes I loved to catch. They wriggled with distress as I tried to hold on—just tight enough—or they’d jump and slither from my hands into the wooded underbrush so fast I couldn’t track them with eyes or ears.
I don’t try to capture reptiles or amphibians anymore. I let them be and I allow myself to be. To reach and grasp for more seems burdensome. I retrace my steps. Move from the outside spiral back to center. Now the journey is directed by my heart, not my intellect. It comes from within, not without. I listen for the calm, clear, compassionate whispers that come from my soul’s center, not the loud pressures and lengthy lists of others’ expectations.
I am the judge of what is right for me to cultivate, grow, nurture, and create. I ask myself, “Am I inspired? Am I excited about what I’m pursuing? Am I contributing? Does it bring love and peace to myself, to others?” When I sense a tingle of a smile, internal bubbles of joy, or a laugh that escapes my lip—then, YES!
I know, from the deepest place, that the path I walk is perfect for my unfolding.
Am I in the race? No. I left it.
I am enough.
Some days begin sleepy and slow.
There is resistance to begin,
to join in the bloom of the day.
My heavy eye lids want to open;
yet, they remain closed, like a tight bud
with its sepals still stuck together.
Deep inside, I am stirred,
Like a kind, seasoned gardener
mixes plant food in the watering can.
Showered by the sun’s bright welcome,
my cells absorb the refreshment.
In quick succession, my eyes open and
my arms and legs stretch from their long-held position
and move the covers from my hidden body.
I inhale the light, “Bonjour Mon Coeur!”
Awake and energized for this new day on planet earth.
Waiting and waiting
Daffodils slow to break soil
Bright sunshine explodes!