Heartbroken and Beloved – Story of “The Rugged Coastline” (the first item in this series of works)
This work was created in the immediate aftermath of loss, as both an act of grief and a gesture of devotion. It
honors the lives of my cousin, affectionately known as “BullDog,” and his wife, “Blue,” whose partnership
spanned more than fifty-five years.
I first met BullDog as a child, when I was three and he was seven, in our grandmother’s flat in Glasgow. I
looked up to him with the kind of admiration only a child can hold. Years later, our lives intertwined again when
my family moved to California and he came to live with us. On his first day of high school, he met Blue—a
young woman whose warmth, humor, and spirit would shape the course of his life. Their connection was
immediate and enduring. They married at twenty and built a life grounded in love, resilience, and humility.
Together they raised five children, creating a close and vibrant family. Their life was marked not only by
accomplishment, but also by profound loss when their youngest baby died of meningitis. Even in grief, they
remained anchored to one another, their bond deepening rather than breaking.
As the years passed, their family expanded to include grandchildren. Time, however, brought new challenges.
BullDog developed dementia, gradually losing his memory and independence. Soon after, Blue was diagnosed
with pancreatic cancer. She underwent a complex Whipple procedure in 2025, enduring its physical and
emotional toll with remarkable strength. Throughout her illness, she continued to care for BullDog at home,
preserving their shared routines and dignity for as long as possible.
In her final days, Blue was surrounded by her children and grandchildren. There was laughter, storytelling, and
a sense of closeness that reflected the life she had built. The day before she died, she sat outside with BullDog
in the sunlight—an ordinary, sacred moment that now feels eternal.
A couple days earlier, BullDog had fallen and unknowingly injured his head. After Blue’s passing, he suffered a
major stroke and slipped into a coma. Following the direction of the Holy Spirit, I stayed beside him, holding
his hand, speaking to him, and tracing the steady rhythm of his heart. In that quiet space between presence and
absence, he took his final breath. God in his mercy brought BullDog and Blue home together.
Rugged Coastline was painted the night he died. The process was instinctive and physical, built with thick
mastic, calcium carbonate, pure colorant, and iridescent acrylics. The surface was sculpted rather than simply
painted—layered, shifting, and uneven, echoing the raw terrain of grief. Its forms drew from the rugged
shoreline of Kapalua in Maui, a place they loved deeply and returned to over many years.
The painting holds both turbulence and light. Its textures suggest erosion and endurance, its luminosity, the
persistence of memory and love. It is not a literal landscape, but an emotional one—where loss and beauty exist
simultaneously, inseparable from one another.
This work was later given to their youngest daughter, as a continuation of their story and a gesture of
remembrance.
Heartbroken and Beloved stands as a tribute to a life shared fully—marked by devotion, shaped by loss, and
sustained by a love that endured until the very end.
